Cold

the winter wind
slowly creeps
into the seams
of my black
double-breasted
pea coat

the chill
on my bones
sends sparks
running into
my nervos system
as messages
fly into my brain

im cold
on the inside
underneath
my jacket
and somewhere
between my
skin and bones

i know
its the weather
but i cant help
but think
its something
more personal

cold like
a body
that just
let go

cold like
a bed
with no
one to
sleep
in it

cold like
my hand
without
yours
entwined

If Love...

If only love was like candy

Sweet
Delicious
Chewy

If only love was like coffee

Soothing
Aromatic
Warm

If only love was like Christmas

Fun
Happy
Worthwhile

If only love was like candy

Maybe
It
Wouldnt
Hurt
So
Much
Anymore

So Far Gone

A summer's kiss
violent and free.
The sound of sorrow
seeping out.

A drop of rain
on your glasses.
Kissing their frame
like a lover.

The taste of sweat
against your lips.
A constant pain of
something lost.

The dreadful feeling,
knowing that
everything wont
be okay.

Sunsets and Lullabies

Time
just like the weather
keeps moving on
Love
much like the ocean
is always coming in and going away

But you said to me in no certain words
I’m never leaving
This nights gone much too fast
for me to explain

You said
Watch the sunset with me
Lay your head upon my heart
make me laugh
Just like you did last time
Sing a song for me
make it sweet so I will cry
and not forget
this night
-
Her eyes
like a car
they go right through me
and this time I cant recall
what I was thinking
when I told her
she didn’t have to stay


But you looked at me with those big blue eyes
And my heart just nearly leapt out of my chest

She said
Watch the sunset with me
Lay your head upon my heart
make me laugh
Just like you did last time
Sing a song for me
make it sweet so I will cry
and not forget
this night

Three things I know I’m scared of
Love, snakes, and goodbyes
please don’t leave me
just stay with me and feel the morning sky

She said
Watch the sunset with me
Lay your head upon my heart
make me laugh
Just like you did last time
Sing a song for me
make it sweet so I will cry
and not forget
this night

Just Like Me

Its been so long
Since Ive been home
Maybe someday
I’ll come back around

Still I am so careless
with my happiness
cause Ive put all my hope
in this lie they call love

And all the Kings horses
have been put out to graze
And all the Kings men
drink their sorrows away
Just like Me

Tomorrow always comes
like the notes from a symphony
but I just cant hear them
cause you wont leave

And its not the same
now that your around
So I’ll hold you close
as I fall back down

And I cant remember what you said last night
But I can only guess it wasn’t nice
Maybe I'll forget about it one day
Then again maybe I won't

Someone Else

It’s cold inside this heart of mine
Like rain on a dark December night
And I’m wandering without my coat
To protect me from the words you wrote

How Blue are your eyes?
How soft, your sweet smile?
How deep is your love?
For Someone Else

And it’s safe inside this house I’ve made
With walls of stone and gates of grey
So I’ll hide my thoughts in this leather chair
As I sit and dream of your long blonde hair

How Blue are your eyes?
How soft, your sweet smile?
How deep is your love?
For Someone Else

So please don’t call me back tonight
I don’t think I can take it
No please don’t call me back tonight
I don’t think I can take it
No I don’t think I can take it

Courtesy

At least make up a goodbye
Leave me with a little bit of pride
When your standing next to him
I’ll know it is the end
And at least I’ll know you gave it a try

When you leave, please exit with a kiss
So when your gone I can feel you on my lips
I can taste your little laugh
feel the way you used to trap
every thought on your fingertips

Validate me please before you go
So when I see you on the street at least I’ll know
All the love you threw away
like the afternoon lemonade
left to glisten in the sun’s orange glow.

And maybe one day I’ll forget
Everything you ever said.
or maybe I’ll just keep it in my head
to ponder on a rainy day
I hope it washes you away
and leaves someone else with the remains

At least make up a goodbye
Just so he’ll know you tried
And when your walking away
he’ll wish that you would stay
but not for long, not for long

So at least make up a goodbye.

Heart On A Wire

She said its not my fault
Its just a matter of time
Cause I still see the moon tonight
and summers still alive
And nothing really matters now
Im just stuck in between
Everybody’s running somewhere
and I just cant leave.

Its over she said
there’s nothing you can do
I’m leaving for the coast tonight
I gotta see something blue

She left me a letter
full of heartache and goodbyes
I think I cried that night
or at least I know I tried

So why are you running?
Why don’t you stay?
My hearts on a wire now
and I cant break these chains
So why don’t you come home
To this paper town
I’ll write you a love song
We can burn it down.

So wont you come home
wont you come home
wont you come home
I’m begging
Wont you come home
wont you come home now
Cause I miss you
Oh I miss you

So tonight will be my penance
for all this pain Ive felt
Might drive down to Houston
just to find myself
maybe I’ll write a book
of everything ive seen
Or maybe just fall asleep

Change, Smiles, and Stars

There are times in life where evrything just feels right. Not necessarily perfect or amazing but right. It's those times that I wouldnt trade for anything. Sure the whole world doesnt come to a stand still at these moments but in your head you know that this is how it should all be. This is where I happen to be right now. Even in the midst of a lot of major changes everything just feel's right. Like that one perfect night when you stand outside on a cloudless day and look up just in time to see a shooting star streak across the sky. Thats where i am. I'm watching that star go by and it helps me know that even though things are different, this is how they should be. Is this where i expected to be in August of 2006? Well frankly, no. But i wouldnt change things for the world.I'm just gonna wait for the star to pass by again and hope the wish that I made comes true. Who knows, maybe there is something out there that God is still trying to show me that I have yet to see. He's shown me a lot lately. Whether its new experiences, new friends, new lifestyle, or someone who makes me smile just by looking at me or simply by me thinking about her. It's all amazing and I cant believe that it's happening to me at this moment in my life. It only goes to prove that no matter what you think, God has bigger plans for you. The change resumes tomorrow morning. I'm anxious and ready for what He has for me. It's gonna be an amazing ride.

Tether

Tremble again
It’s only cold
Its only snow

Save your breath
The night is young
And so are you

Moonlight shows so much
Weathered eyes
Tattooed arms

Pull yourself together
Morning’s coming
Ever so swift

Your heart’s on a tether
Pull it back
If you still can

Love and Swimming

I am a sinner, you are a saint.
I’m frayed at the edges, your always so straight.
I’ll sing you a love song, but I know you wont care.
Cause I am invisible, and you just aren’t there.

And I’d swim the ocean
I’d span the sea
I’d lay down my pride
just to hear that you love me
and I would send letters
every single day
if only I knew
you’d never go away


I am a pauper, baby your glamorous
I’m trying to grow up, you already found yourself
I’ll buy you a big ring, but I know it wont fit
I might as well surrender, cause you always win

And maybe I’m not what you want
but my mom thinks I’m doing just fine
and you say your just looking for adventure
well if you got a map, then ive got the time.

Time

Slowly. One at a time.
It all came back.
Nothing as particular as birthdays
or family trips. But all too memorable.
Baseball games, broken fingers,
backyard forts, meteor showers.
Single points. None important.
None forgotten.

Always Smile (July)

She said always smile
Even when it hurts the most
Breathe in deep, tell me you love me
and that this is not goodbye

Write your name, on my lips
trace my eyes with your fingertips
and don’t forget to kiss me once
before you walk away

This is how it is
lost inside the sentiment of a
lazy summer and endless nights of
talking about nothing

I miss you

She said cry, anytime
don’t be afraid to show your alive
Hold my hand, let me go
I swear I didn’t mean to

This is how it is
lost inside the politics of
a meaningful surrender of
everything I have

She said I am so sorry
I just don’t think I can take this
It’s better off
We’re better off
Living different lives
Writing our own letters
To other boys, and other girls
please don’t be bitter
you know I’ll always love you
deep inside my heart
but it’s different now
its different now.

Sleep, Bono, and Making a Difference

So the greatest thing that I can never get enough of is sleep. It never fails that whenever I go to rest my head my mind decides to take a turn for the rational and I begin to think about everything that is going on in my life, good bad, or boring. This little fact leads to a really short amount of sleep for the mere fact that I always stay out late and then it takes me between 45 minutes and an hour to calm my mind down enough to actually sleep. This week has been especially hard with work being very long and I just dont seem to be able to get enough rest to function at the level that I need to for an intense 12 hour day. So with everything going on I am now exhausted at just about every moment of the day. I always wonder what Bono would do in a situation like this. I think he would put a new pair of sunglasses on and kinda shrug and say something like "sleep is something only the wicked can endure for their lack of conscience." He always says something amazing like that. I think it would be really cool to have the notoriety that Bono gets but I am not sure that I am prepared enough to handle the heavy weight that the world has come to expect him to carry. Could I take the extreme media pressure and keep my sanity? That's something that I am hoping to be able to answer in about 15 years. I know that I have something inside me that can make a difference in this broken world. Now all I have to do is figure out just how to unleash it without burning everyone around me.

Thoughts on Returning to 7th Street

I remember the smell,
the wood groaning beneath the weight
of my mother’s feet as she
went about her day.

It was always chicken on Tuesday
With macaroni and green beans
and plastic cups of lemonade.
Times were simple. That was all
that I had ever known, no glamour,
no shine, just dinner at seven.
She always paid close attention
to detail. One fourth cup of sugar,
two pinches of salt, and a teaspoon
of brown sugar to keep the kids happy.
She never cried. Like a tree house with
nothing inside, she stood tall. I wanted
to ask her why, but I wouldn’t understand.

Her hands moved victoriously
over everything she handled. I always watched
in awe as she made something from nothing.
I remember she cut herself with an old pearing
knife no bigger than my six year old thumb. She just
smiled and reminded me to be careful
no matter what I did.
I wish I would have listened.

Steady

And the last time
wont be the last time
that you will see my face

Im breaking down
Caving slowly
Underneath this weight of everything

It wasn’t supposed to be this way
I looked to far ahead
Stumbled between the lines
got lost in her face

She said
Steady now I cant stand falling
(you wanted it, you wanted it)
Steady now this seems too simple
(Trust me, just trust me)
Steady now my hands are shaking
(Just slow down, please slow down)
Steady now my dreams are fading
in your eyes….
I don’t want to fall away
So keep me steady

And the drive home
Longer then before
In the middle of the darkness

Just trying
Desperately searching
keeping my eyes on the road

And tomorrow comes so slowly
night’s become my day
And she’s lost inside the morning
And I am still awake


…deep inside
carry me when I cant walk
take my hand, watch me sleep
never let me go….



Steady now I cant stand falling
Steady now lets keep this simple
Steady now my hands are freezing
Steady now, its you I’m needing
in my life….
I just cant lose you
So keep me steady

Love (Lightning on a Clear Day)

Love
gaudy
like lightning
prone
to unpredictability

insatiable
hard to find
harder to handle
brilliant

flashing
like her eyes
against the water

serene
like thunder
in a parking garage

hopeless
powerful

gratifying
simple

true

love

Road Flares

It always seems that no matter how good things are going your mind likes to play tricks on you. I like to call these little trips road flares. Points along your journey when your eyes are drawn to something that is bright and shiny but has no clear purpose in your trip. Most of the time it just succeeds in making the journey to your destination longer. Sure sometimes it warns of impending danger but when do you ever see it as that. They are simply glowing sticks of distraction. I wish that I didnt find these objects so fascinating and then lose sight of what exactly it is that I am headed for. I guess all I'm trying to say is that I wish life was just a little more clear and that i didnt have to be constantly distracted by little things that I know are just road flares that will burn out. It's all temporal but I cant seem to get that into my head.

Finding My Future In The Past

Grandma Jesse always said
bones were like ice.
Prone to break
and crack
if not filled with something.

My bones are full of music.
You can’t hear it
but the melody
be screaming out your name.

I sat for hours listening as her tired lips
talked of Dizzy, Glen, his band, and of course
Elmwood.
I was only five and stuck inside a musty house
watching every move she made as she crocheted
a new bookmark for the piano player at church.
I think it was her hands. They captivated me.
Cracked and fragile from life,
they always made me wonder
about how she used to be.

My Ross had the music in him too.
You’re gonna be just like him,
I can feel it.

Maybe that’s why I sat there?
A five year old finding himself
in his grandma’s placid eyes
and seeing he has just so far to go.

The Start of Something Random

So this shall be my place of rest among the digital plane that we call the internet. I'm not quite sure exactly what is going to be covered on this blog so it should be a pretty fun surprise to see what is going to pop up next. Maybe i will post some poetry, or even a short story. Maybe I will try to convince the world why I think that I belong in a flat in the middle of London. You never know. Consider it an adventure of some sorts. I guess that's what I will treat this as.